Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dick very happy bro
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