I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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