Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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