I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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