I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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