A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
