Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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