new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
