She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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