so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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