Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
