You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
