I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
