Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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