Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
