I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
