Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
