first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.