hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.