id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
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Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.