I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure