dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.