if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
