Its about making memories worth repressing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
