Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
