if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
