They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
do nipples grow back?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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