If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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