didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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