So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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