long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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