I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
