ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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