I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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