happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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