Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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