I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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