physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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