wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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