So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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