We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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