when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
