am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
