I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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