i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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