I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
