It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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