Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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