I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
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