Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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