My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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