Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
