I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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