this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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