my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
