Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
