Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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