did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
