you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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