Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
