The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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