You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
