so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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