Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
