meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
